The past few days have gone by way too fast. Our road trip wrapped up with some expected injuries and near death experiences, and then it was a long drive back home to meet up with the family for a Christmas get together.
Let’s recap.
The first day of boarding was awesome. The snow was great, and we were on the hill at the ass crack of dawn (more commonly known as 9am). The hill was dead, most likely because people were fleeing the natural disaster that we are on snowboards, but hey -it meant more snow for us.
The second day we got to the hill a little bit later, to avoid the early morning freezing temperatures. This is when we met poncho girl, the average looking, average skilled female snowboarder who wore a poncho. Not a big deal, except I own the exact same poncho. We were clearly destined to be friends. The only issue? I don’t really do the whole friends deal.
So after awkwardly snowboarding by her and yelling “Poncho girl I like your poncho” I snowboarded away as fast as possible and never saw her again.
I am just so good at being social.
That night we went out to the bar to see a live band called Shred Kelly. I forgot the name at one point and just started calling them Shredded Kale, so we’re going to stick with that instead. I mean really, it’s a way cooler band name, and who wouldn’t want to promote a healthy vegetable.
The bar had this awesome deal of $5 a pint, which resulted in a copious amount of alcohol consumption, and a hell of a walk home. I decided that jumping as far as I could down the steps of the bar was a good idea, so I began the walk home with a severely rolled ankle. Luckily, alcohol is fantastic for both causing you to make dumb decisions, and then dulling the pain that results from it. So I wasn’t hurting until the morning after.
The walk home was filled with intense sports and shenanigans. I decided that I was a parkour master (true both sober and intoxicated), and performed extreme stunts off of every obstacle I could find. This initially resulted in jumping over fire hydrants and the such, but intensive exercise is really quite tiring -so by the time we reached home base, I was simply running up to poles and kicking them before running away.
I also decided that it would be a hilarious prank to throw snow on the windshields of every single car we walked past, and I mean every single car. I was methodical, precise, and ultimately, still very drunk. But you better believe that I sure showed all those people -they’re going to have to press one button in their car in the morning to wipe that snow off. Hah.
The morning after was death itself. I won’t go into details, just know it was brutal. But because I’m a real trooper, we still made it on to the hill, albeit slightly later. A slice of greasy pizza and we were ready to shred.
We made it to the highest part of the mountain on our last day, and there was some awesome snow up there, as well as a lot more trees. This meant a lot more face-plants. I would jump a small shrub and celebrate how amazing I was, and while daydreaming about going to the next X games I would smack into another approaching tree. This process happened multiple times. But hey, it’s hard to make my face any uglier, so I really wasn’t risking much.
The whole trip was really amazing. Excessive snowboarding, excessive drinking, and a total lack of friends (both female and male) really summed up how I was going about life. Gotta love when a road trip represents your future.
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