I want to say I’ve been busy this break, but I haven’t. I’ve just been lazy.
Yesterday I was hanging out with my girlfriend, skating on my ice rink. You know. White people things.
We took a little tea break (white people things) and took a quick power nap. When the alarm went off, I got up, like a normal human.
But not my girlfriend. Nope. Apparently she wakes up like a mountain.
After a full minute after laughter I managed to ask how exactly a mountain wakes up, which resulted in a demonstration. It’s essentially the fetal position, but on your knees, with your face to one side.
If you sleep like that or wake up like that, you are a mountain. Fun fact.
According to her, those mountains from the cartoons (You know which ones she means, right? I sure as hell don’t) wake up like this, and then walk around a bit. I’ve never heard of sleeping, waking, or walking mountains, but I was pretty television deprived as a child. So it’s definitely possible.
Next time you watch tv, let me know if you see any mountains waking up. Or sleeping. Or just doing anything that isn’t sitting there and being a mountain.
Here’s a couple of quotes from 2015 that didn’t make it into a full blog:
(Me) “You’re funny man. You should be a stand-up comedian.” (Friend) “Thanks. It’s a result of school bullying and an emotionally traumatizing childhood.”
(Grandma) “What do you guys think is in that truck?” *Large truck with a tarp covering the back of it* (Dad) “Mexicans.”
(Me) “Why are you going to church? Are you even religious?” (Sister) “Nah. I’m kind of like the Switzerland of religion”
(Me) “How was your vacation?” (Friend) “Well, I booked the wrong flight, so I went to San Francisco instead of New York. I didn’t have anywhere to stay, so I just found some couple online that offered me a place to crash on their couch. They had a giant party that night, so I drank a ton with them and some other people in San Fran. Then I had to meet my parents in New York, so I booked another flight and left.” (Me) “You know, you make me feel a lot better about how my life is going.”